First major role fulfilled as best man this week! Dearest JR managed to get himself in a JR style muddle however my quick thinking (relatively) and calm manner (slightly inebriated when came up with conclusion) managed to diffuse a potential situation. Was very proud of myself. However knowing JR to be the lovable yet disorganised person that he is I am sure there will be plenty more situations that he will need extracting from.
This week I will look at the joy of wedding and meal rehearsals. Now the pre wedding dinner does not tend to happen as much in this country. Indeed one of the only things that tends to be organised in advance, food and speeches apart, is the seating plan. Indeed the wedding meal, and following festivities, is a fluid period, one where an uncle feels at home making impromptu speeches and people have that awkward moment when they realise that the person they are eyeing up are possibly distantly related. The seating plan is a highly contentious part of the wedding planning stage and one which I would advise all best men to be in no way involved in. After all it is unlikely that you know all the people at the wedding and the inevitable family feuds that are currently ongoing. That is a ready made excuse for you. The best man would not want to give bad advice now would he! However there are three top tips you can give the lucky couple:
1) Ensure that tables consist of a good balance of people, not simply those that are from the same side of the family. For example if there is an uncle from the grooms side and a cousin on the brides side both in the construction industry then it could work with them sitting on the same table. However divorced couples, especially if bringing new partners, should be kept apart as a general rule of thumb. At the same time it would be advisable that if some people tend to drink more, students, then they should be grouped happily together in a corner, near the bar preferably!
2) Ensure that the tables are neither too big nor too small. Websites generally advise a table of around 9 people, any smaller and you get logistical issues fitting everyone in. Any bigger and the table can feel disorganised with people unable to hear each other. Also if there is a buffet for the wedding meal having groups of around 10 going up to get food can work out nicely compared to a large crowd or it being very bitty and confusing.
3) The top table should be as the happy couple want not how they feel they should have it. Traditionally the top table is long and rectangular across the room enabling them to have a good view of everyone; prime people watching position! There are many different formations for the top table and I have put a link at the bottom of this blog to a good website with examples. However it is traditional for the middle four to consist of, from left to right, bride’s mother, groom, bride, groom’s father. They will then be flanked by the other mother, father and then flanked again by maid of honour and best man. So when JR and DP get flustered i will be sure to remind them that all they need to do is have it how they want it. JR does not have the easiest of family arrangements so whatever happens someone’s nose will be put out of joint. Just as long as I’m on the top table i will be happy, they get served food first!
It is also important to make sure that the couple have decided on how to organise the receiving line if they intend to have one. Ensure that they have decided on a good place for it so that guests can easily walk into the dining area. Not via three left turns, one right, left by the pond and then up the stairs just to ensure that the line is in a picturesque location!
A receiving line happens just before everyone is seated at the wedding meal. All the wedding guests file in past the bride and groom, shake hands and do the congratulations before sitting down to eat. It is traditional for the receiving line to consist of whoever is sitting at the top table which includes the best man. However if there is a large amount of people to be seated then the receiving line can consist simply of the bride and groom to save time, shaking two hands takes a lot less time than eight! If the best man is in the line then it is a good idea to have additional groomsmen ensuring a smooth flow of the line. They should keep an especial eye on elderly grandparents and help them jump the line if needs be. However they should abuse this power simply if one of the wedding guests happens to be particularly good looking.
The wedding rehearsal is an essential part of the pre wedding preparations. It is often organised as close to the wedding as possible so as to ensure that as many people as possible are free. Luckily for us JR and DP’s parents are both from the area so hopefully this should not be too difficult to organise. I also intend to be unemployed still by then so will be around! However if people are not available then ensure that spaces are left for them and that whoever they are paired up with is paying extra special attention.
There are many different variations of the wedding procession however traditionally it leads with the parents and grandparents of the bride and groom. After they have been seated then the brides party will enter led by the bridesmaids, then the maid of honour with any flower girls before the bride enters with her father. Bridesmaids and the maid of honour will mirror the groom’s side which are already standing there. The father of the bride will then pass the bride to the groom.
Throughout this the best man will, normally, be stood facing the procession on the groom’s left hand side. Other groomsmen will be arranged on your left fighting for the more glamorous spot nearer the groom. Ensure you keep your position at all times to avoid a coup. On the day we do have the easy part! No fear of stumbling down the aisle, or standing on a bridal train, just standing still and smiling. Easy street. That is unless JR is feeling nervous then I may have to do some more calming down. It is important to double check his appearance, nerves often makes the groom warm and sweaty. Ensure he is not dripping with sweat and also that he has not undone his collar. However you would imagine that this would not happen at the wedding rehearsal, if it is then it seems likely you may have a runner on your hands!
A word on the rings. Statistically the best man does not lose the ring, that dubious honour falls to the maid of honour. Eight out of ten lost wedding rings are due to them. The most common piece of advice I have seen so far is that, unless there is a ring bearer, the best man should actually wear the wedding ring on one finger. That finger should then be curled up to ensure the ring does not fall off. The maid of honour also should do this however it is likely that the ring will be too big for her smaller fingers hence her losing it. Do not keep the ring in a bag, easily put down and forgotten, or in a pocket which will invariably have a hole in it. Or, and this I find to be a better idea, ensure that said pockets have no holes in them. I don’t know about you but surely a wedding ring is something special, almost sacred in it composition and meaning. It signifies everything about the bride and groom, it symbolises the unification of their love. Would they really want it to have been on the grubby best mans finger before? Personally I would not like that idea, if you do decide to go for this approach though I advise you ask permission first.
Anyway the wedding procession is a good time to make sure you have your plan of attack sorted. Also take the opportunity to familiarise yourself with the venue, find the toilets, do they have disable access? Where is there parking near the venue if people are struggling? Where is the nearest pub, in case JR is struggling!
The other important function a wedding, or indeed meal, rehearsal can fulfil is it may be the first time you meet the bride’s parents. Naturally you may have met them before if you are also close friends with the bride but if not then now is your chance to make good impression. Remember you are the ‘best’ man; you are your friend’s representation of everything that he believes should be encompassed in a man. You are representing the kind of person he likes to hang out with. You are the best of the best, the top dog, the closest friend; you are essential to helping him be loved by his new family. Do not screw this up! Do not stand like a mute afraid to open your mouth for the fear of cocking up. Small talk, do it. Compliment the venue. Compliment the bride. Compliment anything and everything that the mother of the bride seems to like. Find out before if the father of the bride likes football, if so then mention last nights match. Be helpful, polite and humorous. After all, that will be your role on the wedding day, time to get some practice in. Also take the opportunity to get some inside gossip on the bride’s family. Who does not like who, who may need help getting to the table and such like. Oh, and for gods sake make sure you learn their names!
I have had the pleasure of briefly meeting DPs parents. I have been to her house a couple of times and have so far not been drunk in front of them. Therefore i believe i am currently in the acceptable zone, indeed hopefully they do not even remember anything about me. However i am fairly sure the one time that i met DPs mum she returned home to find me munching on the apple she was looking forward to having. Small things stick in the memory.
Next week will be a look into the maze is that is ‘moral’ support.
DO NOT FORGET THE RING
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