After last weeks quite frankly terrifying trawl through everything that needs to be sorted for the stag night I decided to look at the fun stuff this time round; pranks (the good, the bad and the ugly), outfits and the stripper conundrum.
After I finished my last blog I decided to have a think about what we could/should do based upon the epic list of ideas. Needless to say I got to Gladiator Jousting and started searching for locations. However after giggling for a long while I eventually finished the list and found that I ticked virtually every single possibility. Normally I would say ‘job done’ and move on but as I am a very dedicated best man I decided to go one stop further and consult my old friend Google for help cutting the list down. The excellent stagandhens.com provided this helpful top 10 list:
1) Paintballing – because guys like shooting each other. It is like Call of Duty but more realistic, oh, and the stag has to dress as a giant rabbit of course.
2) Go-Karting – I am the next Lewis Hamilton and by going go-karting I will prove this. Also JR can’t drive so should be able to kick his ass, in a friendly manner of course.
3) Clay Pigeon Shooting – Like paintballing but without the pain. Watching clay explode, on the rare occasions that you do hit it, is a very satisfying thing to do anyway. Note to self, remember to take glasses this time.
4) Quad bikes – offroading is always a good laugh and quads really will go anywhere. Great fun in the mud especially!
5) Zorbing – Ah New Zealand land of sheep, Orcs and jumping of things in a reckless yet safe manner. Thank you for your latest invention, man + giant inflatable PVC ball + hill = a lot of fun.
6) Target shooting – Really? Why would you go target shooting when you could go clay or paintballing? Just for wusses. Oh yer, I remember, because in our favorite eastern block countries they still allow you to shoot Magnums, Uzis and AK 47s.
7) 4 x 4 off road driving – Like quads but, in my humble opinion, slightly less fun but more expensive. However it is always fun seeing how far you can tilt them before they tip!
8) Surfing – I get the feeling this is one of those do abroad type things.
9) Mud buggies – Yes and yes again. A combination of go karting and quad biking this is perfect for a dirty stag weekend.
10) White water rafting – JRs dislike of water could make this very, very entertaining.
So, time to broach the subject of strippers. Now as a man, for that is what I am, I will admit to being a fan of scantily clad women. I claim it is a genetics or evolution thing but to be quite frank there is nothing to be ashamed of. I quite like the idea of a stripper doing her thing. But my issue is whether I would really want to be in a room full of guys watching a lass doing her thing by writhing over an acutely embarrassed JR. Not really is my answer. So what about a strip joint instead then? A quick Google search tells me that there are many strippers in the U.K. Once I had clicked off images and on to the web page option I found many places all over the country offering specific ‘stag strippers’. Discount strips, themed strips, extreme strips, SFG (safe for girlfriend) strips, educational strips and you can even get an autographed picture of the strip in action if you want to be dumped. A survey by stagandhens.com has shown that 62% of grooms want a stripper at the stag party. Is it just me or did you think that number would be higher?
However the question I need to ask myself, and indeed JR, is whether or not a stripper would suit the stag do. A stripper is not what makes a stag do; they are simply part of the entertainment. Would the stag do be less without a stripper? I do not know, however if JR wants a stripper he gets a stripper. If he does not want a stripper then I save some cash and buy him a few drinks instead. If I buy him enough then I’m sure I could tell him he had a stripper ... now this leads me nicely onto pranks.
Obviously I am not going to say what I intend to do as I know JR and his lovely missus have taken to reading these blogs. However I will put a few ideas out there and mention some stories I’ve found of good pranks and those that have gone wrong.
So what could we do? The most subtly genius prank I found online happened in that crazy place called Sweden. The groom was snatched, as is tradition, by his stags and spent the day skippering a 60ft yacht as he was a keen sailor. Naturally they had the full outfit for him with fake beard and clothing to look the part. They returned home and got ready for the night out by having a customary sauna together. When he looked around he saw that the best man had no pubic hair anymore, nor did the first groomsmen, or the second or the third, in fact none of them had any. The groom had happily been wearing a fake beard all day made out of the groomsmen’s pubic hair. For a picture - http://www.stagsandhens.com/swedish-stag-night-prank.php
An equally devious plan is the following; a medical student had decided to live up to his reputation by working hard and playing harder. He went out for his stag night the evening before his wedding, genius, got extremely merry and wandered home to crash out. His concerned friends convinced him that he would look terrible the next day so he allowed them to put a saline drip in to help him recover. Very thoughtful of them. However when he passed out they put methylene blue into the saline drip which turned his lips and eyes blue. Check out the wedding pictures here - http://www.staginabag.co.uk/default.asp/p=79
Another classic prank involves the groom’s attire. Very simply make sure you distract the groom and separate him from his suitcase. Whilst distracted take all his clothes out and replace with a lovely frilly dress with matching shoes, wouldn’t want it to clash now, for him to wear for the duration of the weekend.
Finally a friend of mine told me of an excellent prank played on a groom. They got him extremely drunk and took him home to pass out. Whilst passed out they put a plaster cast on his leg so it looked like it was broken. When he woke up he was unable to remember his night out and, upon seeing the cast, presumed the worst. Three days later they told him that his leg was not broken and that he should stop using crutches.
As tempting as the first two are I may have to give them a miss. I value my genitalia and the blushing bride and the maid of honor both know how to castrate animals. Therefore I shall stay away from messing with the neck and face. Mind you, perhaps that’s a chance I’ll have to take … especially if I do the stag night awhile before the wedding …
I have also found a few stories of stag nights going badly wrong for the groom. A groom and best man, I believe a dastardly revolt must have happened, were found handcuffed together naked on the verge of the A363. They had both been drenched in eggs, flour and tomato sauce and as the temperatures rose to above 28 Celsius they were both severely sun burnt: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/1407316.stm
There have also been reports of a groom gored on the Pamplona Bull Run, being mugged whilst attached to a lamppost and a broken leg after a “harmless dare.”
However the easiest form of prank to pull will be the fancy dress idea. There are countless websites around offering everything from the Borat mankini to endless willy and bum combinations. A simple Google search will give you a list of endless websites offering outfits. My favorite I’ve seen so far would have to be the Baywatch swimsuit costume though I do not think anyone would really want to see that!
Lastly a note for JR. There are certain internet websites offering advice about how to prepare for a stag night, things to make sure you do and do not do. Let me tell you now I have already read these sites. One bit of advice was to feign a sports injury on your thigh. Have a bandage wrapped around it with a credit card inside. I know that you do not do sport JR, this will not work.
The best thing for you to do is just sit back, smile and enjoy the Mr Ben stag night experience.
Next week, how the best man should conduct himself during and after the stag night.
DO NOT FORGET THE RING
If this is a last minute stag night then I suggest - http://www.staginabag.co.uk/default.asp/p=1
No comments:
Post a Comment