A conversation and an apology

An amazing thing happened to me this week. JR actually picked up his phone and rang me to chat about the wedding! I will admit it was prompted by a rambling, yet I like to imagine perfectly coherent, answer phone message that I left him at about 4am the previous night. So, whilst I wandered slightly lost around Brighton we had a chat and a couple of revelations were produced. I shall list them in order of importance/how I remember them:

1) JR had a dream about me! I was tempted to leave it as just that however I think I should expand. Basically he had one of those dreams that fiancés tend to have now and then about the wedding where they run through everything in their head about the ‘day’. A bit like, I’d imagine, when you have a dream a couple of days before an exam when you realise you are naked in the exam room, that the person with the annoying cough is both behind, in front and beside you and that just when you have a brainwave a Viking invasion comes down your aisle which tends to be distracting. Well, I don’t believe any of that occurred in his dream however ‘dream Ben’ did manage to sort some situations out and calm him down. I was suitably proud of ‘dream Ben’ and basked in my own glory momentarily before JR pulled me out of my reverie with the following cutting comment; “So I presume you wont be needing a +1 at the wedding then”. Owch. 

2) We also discussed when to have the stag night. JR originally wanted the stag night to be a couple of months before the wedding in case of any pranks going ‘wrong’ however we decided that might be doing it a bit early. That would put us in August time, during peak holiday season, so we figured that maybe early September time would be better. This could dovetail nicely with my big ‘24’ as well. However at the same time it should very much be about him and it always a busy time of year for me, maybe mid September would be better. Anyway, we at least have a ballpark time. We are looking at a manageable number as well, probably 10-15. All JR has to do is e-mail a rough list of names to me; it appears he is still incapable of the smallest tasks. When he does get around to it though I will start e-mailing everyone to find out when they would provisionally be free.

3) We then went on to chat about what he wanted/did not want to happen. I did fairly recently have a brainwave about the stag night so wanted to float some ideas with him to see if its fits. Every stag will want something different on their night/weekend, as I explained in a previous blog, so what we decide is not meant to be the ‘perfect’ option for all stag nights. The perfect option will be whatever is best for your groom. He seems to be angling more towards the weekend option rather than one big night. He is the quintessential pub man, apart from his lack of ability at pool, darts and the 'it box', therefore a night in the pub with the guys is essential. 

It also appears that he does not want a stripper. This request is not necessarily one that will be adhered to however it is good that I know were he stands, or sits... Ran through a couple of classic stag weekend ideas with him as well. Paintballing didn’t go down too well for two main reasons, one which i disagree with and one which made a surprising amount of sense for him! Firstly he pointed out that it does tend to hurt quite a lot. I sighed at this, although i got my knuckles split open last time i went it was still awesome. Secondly he did mentioned that spending the day running around in a field, as fun as it can be, does tend to be quite knackering which is not the best idea before a big night out. I did mention air soft as an alternative but he claims it hurts even more than paintball, this confused me as having the word ‘soft’ in the title implied that it would be less painful. However it does appear that the guns shoot small BB rounds. I did also mention something along the lines of go-karting/quad biking which he seemed quite keen on. He did manage to fit the word Zorbing into the conversation a remarkable amount of times though. I get the feeling he might be hinting at something. Anyway, at least this has given me more of a ballpark area to work in.

Right, now I have an apology to make, I am going to have to put this blog on the back burner for awhile. I have got my first exam on Friday and then more over the next three weeks. After that I then have an intensive two week work experience placement at Horse and Hound, yes that is the one that Hugh Grant claims to work for in Notting Hill, which takes me through till late February. I will try and put together a few updates but I really cannot afford the time to put together one of my long blog updates. However they will return by the beginning of March!

I would also like to take the chance to thank two lovely websites. www.savethedatemagazine.co.uk invited me to their wedding show in Derby however I have had to unfortunately turn them down as I cannot make the date. They are being kind enough to leave some leaflets for me in the ‘bloke’s corner’ though so if you are there make sure you pick one up! Also the lovely people at thefizz.co.uk have asked me to write some articles for them in March time, so make sure you check them out as well!

Thank you for all the messages you guys have sent me recently, I appreciate the stories and pieces of advice you have given me and the nice comments are always well received! Stay well and don’t forget about me whilst I’m gone!

Controlling your fellow groomsmen

It’s been a bit longer than usual since my last update so apologies for that. I was busy being rather over excited about visiting the family at home back in the east midlands. Not only do they have a fridge with a wide variety of foods (not just the student staple of medium strength cheddar!) but also this wonderful invention of central heating. Anyway so whilst I was home Dad managed to find a hundred and one jobs for me to help out with (1 ton of bedding to be shifted, 750kgs of haylage etc) and then there was important bonfire building to be done. Not to mention starting revision for next months exams. Anyways, excuses over and onto this weeks blog.

First things first is just a prior warning that you, the best man, may have to act as a legal witness. Now I’m not talking about witness in a dock, unless it’s a ‘themed wedding’ of some sort, but more as in you are willing to put your name on the marriage certificate to say that you witnessed the marriage. It is therefore essential during the service that you are not listening to the football scores coming through, ringing the bookie to put money on the footy scores or making a subtle attempt at propositioning one of the bridesmaids or maid of honour. No, it is important to be paying attention at all times so if the marriage is contested and your name is on the document you would be comfortable in a civil court swearing to the validity of the marriage.

The best man is not always required to sign the wedding certificate however it has been common in recent years. The only stipulations of being one of the two required witness’s is that the person signing is of an age to understand what is being asked. I believe I fill that criterion. It is also important, though not essential, that both the bride and groom know the witnesses in case the marriage is contested at a later stage. There is not really much more to say, if you have any queries then I have linked a good website at the bottom of this blog.

Now, this could have been a real short update but that is just lazy and to be honest with you I have just realised that I have no meat defrosting so will be awhile till I can eat! Note to self; be more organised/buy microwave. Another important job for the best man is corralling and keeping the groomsmen and ushers in order. 

I would love to be able to tell you how many of each JR has planned on having but due to snow related issues I barely got to see him over Christmas. Indeed when he did he was busy regaling my parents with various tales of my drunken debauchery (involving a McDonald’s sign and Morrison’s roundabout) which they seemed to find amusing. I did mention the words ‘best man speech’ to him however he seems to believe that due to it being a family wedding that I will be restrained. Bless him. However I did have a minor brainwave (I believe the extended years of student living has cast away any chances of having a ‘major’ brainwave) regarding his stag night, if only he would get back in touch with a rough idea of numbers. I now believe patience and perseverance to be essential tenants in a best man. Anyway, a minor diversion.

Now groomsmen and ushers are essentially your deputies. It is probably best that you do not use this precise terminology to them however the hierarchy should be established at some point to ensure that a coup does not happen. Possibly the worst wedding story I have heard so far was of precisely that. 10 minutes before the best man speech two groomsmen locked the best man in the store cupboard. They then promptly regaled the mainly Puritan bride’s side of the family with tales of the groom’s student life. Needless to say this had been kept secret from the bride’s parents. There was general uproar from all sides and although the couple are happily married the bride’s parents refuse to acknowledge the groom at all.

The groomsmen and ushers (who from now on will simply be referred to as groomsmen as I am lazy) fulfil a few roles. The first major role is in helping with the seating in the church. They should be full of smiles as they ask which side the guests come from (traditionally brides on the left, grooms on the right) before escorting them to their seats if they need it. Make sure they know the seating plan before guests arrive, often the front rows will be reserved. It is essential that you make sure that they are in good spirits, though not yet of the alcoholic sort, and ready and willing to speak to anyone and everyone. It is likely that the first person a guest will meet will be a groomsman so they could be seen as setting the tone of the wedding, therefore a bit of friendly banter would not go amiss. Depending on the groomsmen it may be important to remind them that the pretty guests are out of bounds till the reception, oh, and that the best man gets first pick right?

Most of the best men that I have spoken to have said that the groomsmen also offered moral support to them as well as the groom. It is natural, unless you are a very confident person, for the best man to be nervous on the day, after all you are charged with making things run smoothly for the happy couple. Add to that looking after the rings and making a speech then we most defiantly have our hands full! So not only can they offer moral support but they can also act as runners for you, for example if you are needed to go chaperone the grooms lovely cousin to her table you could ask a groomsmen to go ensure that the his equally lovely granny has everything she needs.

Other ‘runner’ jobs which can be organised in advance can include the following. At the end of the wedding service the groomsmen should help ensure that everyone knows how to get to the reception. One best man mentioned to me that the reception venue was not the easiest place to find. Therefore he sensibly sent off a groomsman first with the wedding guests in a convoy behind him. However he did go on to mention that the groomsmen took a ... interesting route to get to the reception place so ensure that they know where they are going to! Naturally the wedding car, be it the one to get to the reception or the one from after the reception, needs to be decorated in a thoroughly traditional manner. This can often be delegated to the groomsmen as they will have plenty of ideas! Affixing beer cans to the rear bumper is essential in this best mans humble opinion.

Next time I shall be looking at the reception in more detail and what a best man can generally get up to as a ‘master of ceremonies.’

http://home.clara.net/dixons/Certificates/marriages.htm

DO NOT FORGET THE RING